We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
