So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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