I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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