OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
