Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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