worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
