Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize