Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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