We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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