oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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