I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
