One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
