Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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