Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
