summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
