Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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