You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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