is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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