there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
