So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize