Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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