Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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