I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
