Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize