and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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