So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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