You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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