Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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