Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to sanitize my soul.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
