Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
