I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
