I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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