maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
