Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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