I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
