I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
