Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
