i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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