She's JV to your varsity
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize