I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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