My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
