Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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