You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
