I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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