I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
