Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
