so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
