Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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