I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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