Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
