I just made out with a guy for $7.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
