Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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