I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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