dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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