In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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