working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
