ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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