I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did not marry a roomba.
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