Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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