So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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