I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
