he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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