if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
