Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
as a side note pls kill me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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