wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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