I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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