Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize