A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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